How To Have an All-in Marriage

Often when we see an obstacle that scares us, we try to avoid it. But when we avoid a problem, all we are really doing is trading one set of issues for another.

Our culture’s mindset these days is often “for better or for divorce.” We enter marriage with one foot out the door, which doesn’t do much to develop security or trust in a relationship. 

Here’s how you and your spouse can work together to have an all-in marriage: 

1. Abandon the exit strategy.

Declare and believe together that divorce is not an option in your marriage. Accept that it may take some hard work and admit that each of you is a part of the problem and solution.

Commit to approaching marriage God’s way, not your own. The Bible tells us to submit to one another, pour ourselves out, love, care, and nurture the other’s needs.

And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:3–6

2. Have a commitment strategy.

Jesus tells us that we will have trouble in this world (John 16:33). It may come from our culture and worldly views, spiritual attacks, our spouse, and/or from within ourselves.

For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless. Malachi 2:16

Here are everyday practices you and your spouse can do together to stay committed: 

  • Pray together for your marriage.
  • Read the Bible and do a devotional together.
  • Plan regular date nights.
  • Build intimacy.

 3.   Dream about finishing life together.

Create a plan and work toward it together. Pray for vision and guidance in your marriage. Talk about what you want your marriage to look like, and write it down. 

Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay. Habakkuk 2:2–3

Where there is no prophetic vision the people cast off restraint, but blessed is he who keeps the law. Proverbs 29:18.

Don’t let go of any of the blessings and goodness God had in mind when he created the covenant of marriage. He has abundant life in mind for you, personally, and in your marriage.

Next Steps

  • Seacoast offers support and community for couples through groups and classes, including Re|engage. This class offers a weekly small group-based marriage course to help reconnect, reignite, or resurrect your marriage.
  • Small groups are one of the most important ways that people connect and grow in their faith together. Whatever your age, stage of life, or interests, there is a small group for you!
  • Learn more about how to have an all-in marriage, by watching Pastor Josh Walter’s message.
  • Read an article written by Pastor Josh Walters about gaining perspective in your marriage, and a redemption story about a couple at our Greenville Campus.