It’s a new year—a new decade—and here at Seacoast we’re in the thick of our 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting. Of the many things you may be praying for, I invite you to take some time to focus on a pillar of our faith: forgiveness. It’s been heavy on my heart lately in my counseling sessions because so many folks are dealing with unforgiveness, and I’ve seen it play a major role in hurting marriages, families, and friendships. It’s a debilitating mindset.
I know from experience how what might seem to be between two people really impacts so many others. My sister and her husband’s marriage ended in divorce, directly affecting their two sons, but also radiating outward, even to our parents. For years, my mom had a very difficult time forgiving her ex-son-in-law. It wasn’t until the summer before she died, when Mom attended one of Seacoast’s First Wednesday services with us that she finally released and forgave this man who had hurt her family deeply. (She also told me she forgave John T. who had kicked me in eighth grade.)
“I’ve seen it [unforgiveness] play a major role in hurting marriages, families, and friendships. It’s a debilitating mindset.” ~ Pastor Michael Morris
A week before she journeyed to Heaven, she so sweetly asked me, “Am I going to be okay?”
“Yes Mom,” I said. “You gave your life to Christ and you forgave the one who hurt you and our family.”
“Yes,” Mom said. “I love the Lord and yes, I have forgiven him.”
Mom had found peace even before she went to Heaven.
Isaiah 26:3 from the Amplified version encourages us, “You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character], because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation].”
A New Lifestyle
Forgiveness is foundational for our emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. It’s a lifestyle really, that begins when we first decide to follow Christ.
June Hunt, teacher and writer tells us, “forgiveness is dismissing, cancelling, or setting someone free from the consequences of falling short of God’s standard.”
Paul in Colossians 3:13 (Amplified), challenges us: “So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper]; bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive.”
It is not only our responsibility as Christ followers to forgive those who hurt us, but our mandate to protect ourselves from bitterness and unforgiveness. These negative influencers seek to set their hooks deep in our hearts; they are chains that hold us captive to the wounds and the messages each injury carries. Until we forgive, we remain their prisoner.
Colossians 3:13 (Amplified)…bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive.
I believe we are living in a world where unforgiveness is becoming the norm as many people continue to hold on to past hurts and that just brings more pain, anger, malice, and fear.
“Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling—don’t try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will. ~ John Eldredge
“Don’t wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving. You will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made.” ~ Neil Anderson
Forgiveness isn’t easy, I know. But we need to allow God to bring the hurt up from our past, for “if your forgiveness doesn’t visit the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete,” said Anderson.
How to let it go
Acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and choose to extend forgiveness to our fathers, our mothers…to those who hurt you. This is not saying, “It didn’t really matter”; it is not saying, “I probably deserved part of it anyway.” Forgiveness says, “It was wrong. Very wrong. It mattered, it hurt me deeply. And I release you. I give you to God. I will not be your captive here any longer.”
“Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling—don’t try and feel forgiving. It is an act of the will. ~ John Eldredge
Eldredge says, “It might help to remember that those who hurt you were also deeply wounded themselves. They have broken hearts, broken when they were young, and they fell captive to the Enemy. They were in fact pawns in his hands. This doesn’t absolve them of the choices they made, the things they did. It just helps us to let them go—to realize that they were shattered souls themselves, used by our true Enemy.”
Forgiving Ourselves
Forgiveness reaches not only to those who have injured or damaged us, but it extends to the depths of our willingness to forgive ourselves. Allow God to remove the guilt and shame, choose to rely on his strength, and seek to think differently about yourself as God sees you.
Paul exhorts us in Galatians, (NIV), “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
I pray you will be saturated with a lifestyle of forgiveness as you enter into this new decade and “His Kingdom will come and His Will be done,” in each of your lives.
Sure do love and appreciate you all,
Pastor Michael
Next Steps
- Talk to someone about your pain, and how you can begin to release yourself from bitterness and unforgiveness.
- Pray that God will help you forgive people and heal your relationships.
