February 15th is Singles Awareness Day, the day after Valentine’s Day which is the most “romantic” (or commercialized) day of the year. For many singles, this can bring a mixture of things: grief, anxiety, fear, anger, and resignation. If you find yourself in a place of uncertainty today (maybe even heartbreak), I can relate.
As a single Christian woman, my dating past has a trail of ashes from previous relationships. Each time I thought I had found a good partner, unhealthy traits emerged. Emotional unavailability. Lies. Betrayal. Infidelity. Addiction. Abuse. And every time, I walked away. I was disappointed and ashamed at each failed relationship and having to tell my friends that yet another one didn’t work out.
After a while, I fell to my knees, angry at God. I felt cursed. I am a strong woman of faith, educated, loving, with a good head on my shoulders (as people remind me), yet I kept attracting broken and deceptive men who didn’t care if they broke me too. One man, before he ended the relationship, told me he was jealous that I could believe in God.
Am I cursed? Has God forgotten about me? Where are all the good men? Maybe, I’m not meant to find love, I wondered. I watched others fall in love, get engaged, then married, and start a family. It felt like I was looking through a window at something that wasn’t meant for me.
One day, God finally answered and I realized that none of those men walked in faith. God didn’t want me to settle. He said, “Those men were not of me. And I want you to know how I see you as my daughter, as a woman of God, and for you to understand how you are loved by me. Use this time to know me…then you will recognize him when he comes.”
Ah, God is so wise.
[God will] “provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning…”
– Isaiah 61:3
God has promised us that he will make beauty from our ashes. No matter how much we have suffered, he will redeem us and make us new. First, we must be willing to go to him, lean into him, and have faith as he walks us through the valley.
What I know in my season of singleness is that this is the perfect opportunity to find joy in the work God is doing—even if it seems like nothing is happening. His plan for us is a perfect plan, in divine time—with everything working for his good, even heartbreak.
My singleness enables me to be a good steward of the time and gifts God has given me to help others.
I am wiser, stronger, and know I am loved eternally by God.
You are, too.
