Dads are strong. They might even appear resilient, and more often than not, they look like superheroes to their children. But even the best dads have their kryptonite. For some, it’s having a hard conversation with a child, or being the disciplinarian. For others, it’s leading their families well, balancing work and family time, or teaching a child to drive. In a recent staff survey, Seacoast dads revealed where they feel most inadequate as a father. Their responses below show us that none of them do it alone—that prayer, relationships, and humility, can help neutralize their personal kryptonite and let them continue to be true superheroes.
Tomelex Copeland, Assistant Campus Pastor | North Charleston Campus
Where in your parenting journey have you felt inadequate?
All of it! Even before my daughter was born. I grew up without a dad, so I had no example of how to be a good father.
How did you figure it out?
I finally realized that God did give me a great example—of a bad example—when it comes to fathers. I remember all the things that made me cry as a child. All the things my dad didn’t do for me, I try to do for my daughter. I don’t want her to endure the same pain I did.
I also surround myself with godly men. I watch them to see how they lead their families, how they love and discipline their kids. I try and replicate that. Those are the fathers I aspire to be like.
Who helped you?
Too many people to list. It’s amazing how, if you humble yourself and ask for help, people will. But if I had to name one person, it would be Sam Lesky. He didn’t have to do anything really special. He did what mattered. He invited me into his life, so I got to see how he lived it.
Paul Francisco, Director Of Data Management | Seacoast Creative
Where in your parenting journey have you felt inadequate?
Right now in parenting teenage boys! I’m navigating how to handle their emotions, while trying to let them experience the world, their peers, their online environments—without direct supervision. I am SO not ready for all the hormonally charged questions and for the decisions they are making.
How did you figure it out?
Prayer! And my wife and I working as a team. My wife is usually the other side of wisdom, calm, and nurturing. We tend to balance discipline methods. We’re learning to pause and find space away for a moment to take a deep breath before making any quick judgment or giving a response to a situation that needs correction.
Who helped you?
In addition to my wife and I being a team, we talk with friends, and listen to counselors and pastors about how they parent through tough situations.
Garrett Abel, Pastor of Seacoast Worship and Seacoast Music
Where in your parenting journey have you felt inadequate?
Balancing my job and home “work” with the amount of time I spend with my kids. Over the last year and a half, I’ve been remodeling our home, but rarely is there a convenient time to work on these projects. When I’m not working for Seacoast, I’m doing my best to balance my time with my family and working on the house. My days off (Friday, Saturday) are the only days I have to work on house remodeling, which is also the time I should be spending with my family/kids, and my wife works every other weekend. So on the weekends that she’s working, it’s a struggle to choose house projects or spending time with the kids. It shouldn’t be a difficult decision, but when it comes down to it I find it very hard. I want to spend all my free time with the kids, but there’s an innate “worker” inside of me that makes me feel unaccomplished if I’m not completing tasks. It’s hard for me not to be busy. I often have to remind myself that raising and spending time with my kids is my number one and ultimate task. And I DO spend a lot of time with my kids, but the juggle/struggle can make me feel inadequate as a father at times. In the end, I think I balance it fairly well, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy!
How did you figure it out?
I set parameters that I don’t allow myself to break.
Who helped you?
I have asked my wife to help me with accountability.
Brian Lewis, Men’s Ministry Pastor | Mount Pleasant Campus
Where in your parenting journey have you felt inadequate?
It would be easier to list the times that I felt adequate. I distinctly felt inadequate when my daughter was born, when she experienced racial differences for the first time, when she reached puberty, when she needed to navigate socially awkward situations without parental solutions. Should I go on?
How did you figure it out?
I sought advice from trusted friends and family who weren’t weird. I prayed to God a lot and relied on my personal experiences. I decided to trust myself to not mess up too badly.
Who helped you?
I had a lot of help: God, my wife, family members and friends.
Brian Adelman, Irmo Campus Pastor
Where in your parenting journey have you felt inadequate?
I never had a great example of what a dad is supposed to be. But I did always know my dad loved me…and maybe that’s what I took the most. I’m sure it’ll change at different stages, but right now, I want to learn how to be more patient with my five-year-old son. He just wants to explore and test boundaries, but it can be hard. I want to make sure I can let him explore, but also teach him boundaries without getting so frustrated.
How did you figure it out?
Ha ha! I haven’t! Every day, I tell myself to be the best dad I can be. My goals for each day are: 1) Show him love.
2) Let him know I love him.
3) Make sure he knows how great he is and that he has a purpose that is great.
4) Teach him that God loves him so much more even than I can love him.
5) To love and honor all people.
I will let you know in 20 years how it’s going.
Who helped you?
As I mentioned, I didn’t have the best example growing up. But God has shown me what love from a father can be like. Also, my thing is to ask dads who have good kids: What is the one thing you can tell me? Then I adapt it and make it work for me.
And sometimes, it comes down to some really basic things that father’s need help learning.
Shawn McCarthy, Guest Services Pastor | Mount Pleasant Campus
Where in your parenting journey have you felt inadequate?
Changing a little girl’s poopy blowout diaper.
How did you figure it out?
Had to ask for help on this one.
Who helped you?
My wife, Anna, laughed and showed me how to change it. So thankful for her!
Although being a dad is fun, it also has many moments of pressure, but let the responses above encourage you that you’re not alone. Take some time in prayer and ask God to reveal where you can learn from him and others along your fatherhood journey.
Happy Father’s Day!
Next Steps:
It’s not only fathers who need to be in community. The Seacoast Men’s Ministry has several small groups available to help you connect with other godly men for any season of life.
