In 2008, I was 15 and dating my very first boyfriend. A few days prior to Valentine’s Day, I found out that he was rekindling his romance with an ex-girlfriend while still dating me. I wanted to break-up with him, but I waited until Valentine’s Day, so it would sting a little extra. I was young and angry and had not yet learned the value of communication. Later, I found out he had bought me a bottle of Chanel perfume for my Valentine’s gift. (I really kicked myself for not waiting until after exchanging gifts to end the relationship.)
Valentine’s Day Memories
Fast-forward to 2015: a good friend of mine, who was single at the time, bought herself a red dress in honor of Valentine’s Day, even though she didn’t have anywhere to wear it. She wanted the dress because it made her happy and, in her words, “Why the heck not?” She wanted to show the world and herself that she did not need a Valentine to buy herself something that made her feel special. This stuck with me because, at the time, I was dating someone I knew I should not be with, so this stance she took as a confident, single woman, was empowering. She has since married, and I hope has gotten to wear that red dress on a date with her husband.
Another Valentine’s Day memory that specifically stands out is from 2018. I met my mentor at church one Sunday morning, and when she came over to my car to greet me, she gave me a teddy bear and pretty journal. I had been in an on again, off again relationship that caused a lot of heartache, so she wanted to make that Valentine’s Day a special one.
“Jesus will use your struggle for good.”
Eventually, the Lord led me to Charleston to start a new job, where I knew absolutely no one. When I moved here, a part of me thought “This is it! This is when I will finally meet my husband.”
Still Waiting
But I am still facing Valentine’s Day as a single woman. However, what the Lord has done has been beautiful. He has brought friends into my life that have become some of the dearest people to my heart. He has restored my love for writing—restarting it on a day when singleness was looming so heavily over my heart that all I could do was write about it.
And now I am here, Valentine’s Day 2023.
Friend, I know that Valentine’s Day can be difficult to face when single. This year though, my perspective looks a bit different than in years past. Part of the refinement has been laying down what I want and focusing more on what the Lord wants; how the Lord can use me to bring him glory. There is a scene in the TV series “The Chosen” where Jesus is talking to his disciple, “Little James,” who has a limp that causes him to use a walking stick. Little James approaches Jesus asking why he has not healed his disability, and yet is being asked to bring healing to others. Jesus’s response is so profound:
“In the father’s will, I could heal you right now. And you would have a good story to tell, yes?” To which James says yes and speaks of Jesus’s miraculous healing of others. Then, Jesus continues:
“And that’s a good story. But there are already dozens who can tell that story. And there will be hundreds more, even thousands. But think of the story that you have, especially in the journey to come, if I don’t heal you. To know how to proclaim that you still praise God in spite of this. To know how to focus on all that matters so much more than the body. To show people you can be patient with your suffering here on earth because you know you will spend eternity with no suffering. Not everyone can understand that.”
This scene resonated deeply within my heart. It seemed to be my entire struggle with singleness explained in one short TV scene. Jesus uses what we consider to be a struggle to bring glory to his name. That is what I want you to hear: Jesus will use your struggle for good.
“He [God] has been working in my life in a way that otherwise may not have happened had I been dating someone.”
Coming into this mindset took a lot of time for me to grasp and be okay with, but the more I spent time with Jesus, the more I fell in love with him and his purpose for my life. It has led to a deeper trust in him and made laying down the desires of my heart easier.
Restoring Hope
He is restoring my hope in him through learning to trust him every single day. While I have experienced a lot of heartache in the waiting, he has been working in my life in a way that otherwise may not have happened had I been dating someone.
My hope is to encourage you to not miss what the Lord is doing in your life while you wait. This year, instead of letting Valentine’s Day highlight your singleness, I encourage you to celebrate with your friends, bake some cookies for your neighbors, or send flowers to someone you know who is also struggling with being single. Maybe sit down and write out the good that has happened in your life and look for the ways the Lord has provided that otherwise you may have missed. Please don’t discount these days the Lord has you in because you are in them for a reason. There is purpose in the waiting, and all you need to do is draw near to him and see where he leads.
Reflect
- How do you see God working in your life during a time of waiting? Write the ways down.
- If you’re not already in a small group, find one today. Share your struggles and celebrate the blessings in community.
